First week in Tokyo and our one week of training camp is now finished! God's intentionality is surreal, truly I will never be able to grasp His goodness. And oh how I pray I never do so I continue to reach for just a glimpse.

When I first landed in Los Angeles and got to meet the group I’ll be traveling with for the next 8 months, to be honest I was overwhelmed, and a little bit nervous. How is this group going to mesh, where am I going to see the Lord move within it, what if I don’t connect with them? 

After this last week, all of that has changed. Those were nonsense worries whispered from the enemy. This past week has shown me an even deeper understanding of Christ's love for us, His intentionality, and His glory. Each person in this group is so special, reflecting the heart of Christ so beautifully. He picked each person so perfectly, put them on this trip so purposefully, and put each person in each team so divinely. Truly what a God. I stand in awe continuously. 

This has definitely been a stretching week though, getting over jet lag while also having a jam packed schedule, sleeping on a small blanket pad, bruises on my hips from said blanket pad, sharing one bathroom/apartment with 14 girls, and only having one backpack worth of clothes. My flesh is learning how to be stripped away more and more every single day. I am here for it but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. More than once I have found myself in the bathroom trying to catch my breath and holding back tears from all the uncomfortability. Pouring out prayers that He would sustain me. The reminder that I truly cannot do this on my own, but solely through the Lord. "He must become greater: I must become less.” John 3:30. I know greater dependence on Christ comes from breaking, falling down to my knees, and refinement that can sometimes feel unbearable. I want to be honest as I share throughout this journey, during the good times and hard times. Vulnerability and honesty is beautiful and it should be shared so we can come together humbly as His bride. 

“I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me. Still, You did well by partnering with me in my hardship.”‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭13‬-‭14‬. I have heard and seen verse 13 so much. It is probably one of the most popular verses in my opinion. I don't, though, see people dig into verse 14.  A week before I left I was reading through Philippians, I read these verses and just sat with them. They have been my encouragement for the past two weeks. As I was preparing to leave and now getting adjusted to this new living. I am here because of the call God has put on my heart, He continues to give me the strength. And you know what else? When it gets hard, when I feel unable, lonely, overwhelmed, homesick, and so much more. He does well by partnering with me in that hardship. What a gentle and loving reminder that we aren't called to be perfect, we aren't called to do it on our own, and it doesn't need to be or look easy all the time! He does well coming and holding our heart and burdens, He does well giving us the strength when we come to him on our knees feeling unable. 

The image I see as I write this is my younger self, with my short blonde haircut and bangs, my little pink light up sketchers, and my favorite dress. I see myself hurting and crying. Stumbling while running because the dress I want to wear is still just too big and long but of course no other dress would do. Then across the way is our Heavenly Father with His arms stretched wide waiting for me, welcoming me in to give me His love, strength, and encouragement. He hasn't moved, hasn't wavered, always there waiting. Over and over again.

We are all children of the Most High God and He sees us as so. 

Following Jesus can and will be hard at times, true discipleship is costly, it is selfless, but that is what makes it all the more beautiful. To say less of me, more of You Lord. “The apostles left the high council rejoicing that God had counted them worthy to suffer disgrace for the name of Jesus.” ‭‭Acts ‭5‬:‭41‬. If this whole trip is suffering through sanctification and refinement more than anything else. Then so be it! I am ready to be stripped of myself, more dependent on the Lord. It will be hard, but it will be oh so worth it. Because Jesus you do well in my weakness, I will rejoice because I get to share, learn, and know more of You. 

The Holy Spirit has been so evidently overwhelming within our group in the last three days. Situations I can’t even explain, time spent just sobbing in reverence, time spent washing each other's feet, prayers poured and poured and poured, taking communion together and sitting in how truly costly the price of His blood was. Remembering and sitting in that sacrifice. Remembering the veil is torn, we have full access to God so may we continue to run into it. My heart cry is still the same again and again and again for the next 8 months. Come Jesus come, have Your way in me now. 

I cannot wait to see how much more the Lord will do, how much more He will bring me through, how much more I will die to myself, how much more the Spirit will pour out and wreck us continuously, and how much closer this group will grow to each other and in Christ.

1 week down, and 32 more weeks to go. Take my heart captive Lord, and create in me a heart that’s clean, may I continue to have the yes that takes me anywhere. 

Stay tune for part two of this blog where I'll share deeper into what our schedule looked like during this time, sharing deeper into our special moments, and sharing more about our leaders/mentors. This is one is just for what the Lord has been doing in me personally over the last 8 days :)